


Winter Wind

by hamstergyu



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Too long to be a drabble, too short to be a oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3342896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamstergyu/pseuds/hamstergyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Are your eyes open, or closed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter Wind

Woohyun shivers.  His body convulses and the force of that itself tips him over the edge – only briefly.  Woohyun watches the stars twinkle and imagines them dancing to a sweet song.  He imagines them finding love, telling stories, having children – he imagines them living a life worth something.

Woohyun stands near the edge of one of the busiest crossings in Seoul with his phone smashed by his feet.  The bridge is pretty busy during rush hour.  People walk across and quickly sip their bitter, black coffee in a loop.  No one dares to stop.  But it’s empty right now. Empty enough for Woohyun to hold the icy railing and watch the water beneath him.  He couldn’t really do this during rush hour – people would look at him.  The steel on the rails is so cold Woohyun feels it sticking to the pads of his fingers when he runs them across it.

He climbs through the railing and sits on the edge of the grass – it’s damp with snow – and ignores the cold sinking into his bones.  He stretches out his fingers – almost numb because the metal he clung to earlier is frozen solid, and he decided not to wear his gloves today.  He decided not to wear his jacket or hat either. Woohyun had a good feeling about today.  His feet dangle over the edge and he stares at the water.

The winter is harsh and the winds are sharp.  His eyes sting, and Woohyun knows it’s the fault of the wind.  All his tears dried up a while ago.  He shivers again.

Woohyun leans back on his hands and lets them sink into the wet snow.  He watches his reflection shine in the water.   It looks like he’s sparkling, the light from the stars and the moon almost make him look angelic.

“You gonna jump?”

The voice makes Woohyun jump, but he’s quick to gain his composure and stare.  He’s a boy – definitely around the same age as him.  And unlike Woohyun he’s dressed for the weather – right down to a cute little hat with a cute little poof.  The boy raises an eyebrow and Woohyun notices he has small eyes.  “You gonna stop me if I do?”  Woohyun scoffs.

“Nope.”  He shrugs.

Woohyun’s a little shocked.  His first thought as that he’s lying – he must be.  Lying to coax him back on the other side, take him out to coffee, and build some shitty romance because Woohyun almost tried to kill himself.

But then he looks into his eyes.  They’re cold, and Woohyun shivers again. It isn’t the wind this time.  “Why?”

The boy smiles, and his eyes crinkle up and that makes Woohyun smile a little too.  “You’re choice buddy.  Unless…do you want me to save you?”  he leans over the edge on his elbows and whistles into the wind.

“I don’t know.” Woohyun answers honestly.  He turns to face the water again.  He watches the ripples distort his reflection.   “I mean if you’re only pitying me get lost, I don’t want some shitty love story and you become my light or some stupid shit like that.”  He winces at his own words – they’re harsher than he would have hoped.

The boy laughs, loud enough that Woohyun feels the warmth of it despite the snow that’s already soaked his pants.  “You know, there’s a difference in lighting someone’s path, and becoming their reason to live.”

Woohyun leans so the cold poles of the railing sting against his back. “Which one do you wanna do for me?”

“When did I say I ever wanted to do either?”

Woohyun doesn’t respond for a long time – so long that the boy starts to hum.   It’s only a hum, but Woohyun thinks his voice sounds sweet.  Sweet enough to sing for the stars.  “Why are you talking to me then?”

“You looked interesting.” 

“I’m about to die.”

“So what?”  He takes off his hat and slips through the railings.  He puts it on Woohyun’s head and brushes the hair out of his eyes.  Woohyun watches him kick the snow and plop down beside him, uncaring for carefulness, uncaring what would happen if he fell.

“It’s dangerous to sit here.” Woohyun says, almost challengingly, “You might fall.”

The moon shines on his face and Woohyun decides he likes the red color on his cheeks. He likes his flaming red hair and those small eyes.  If today doesn’t end well, Woohyun thinks he won’t mind so much.  But he’s determined, he’ll make sure it ends well.  “I probably would.  I think I’ve been waiting for that, in a way.”

“So you want to die, too?” The boy laughs at him again, and it makes Woohyun feel stupid. 

“You don’t want to die,” he tells Woohyun.  “This isn’t dying. You’re just opening your eyes – or closing them, maybe.”

Woohyun scoffs, “Excuse me?”

He smiles softly, “Are your eyes open?”

Woohyun hesitates to answer.  If this was Nam Woohyun one week ago he would snort, say yes, and stalk away from this crazy boy.  But this isn’t one week ago, this is right now.  This is Woohyun with numb fingers and cold eyes.  This is Woohyun dangling over the edge with a thread that’s about to snap.  This Woohyun doesn’t know, “What does that mean?”

The boy flicks a piece of snow off the edge and they both watch it float until it’s swallowed by the dark water.  “Your eyes are either opened or closed – depending on whether you’re alive or dead.”

He flicks off another piece of snow, and then another. Woohyun watches him. He watches the snow. They fly off the edge, and for a split second they fly.  For a second it’s like they have wings, it’s like they’re free and floating.  It’s like they can escape.  But then they plummet – they fall into the same abyss as the rest of them.  His reflection looks angelic on the surface, but once the snowflakes are submerged beneath the water there is nothing left of them to be seen.   “What does that even mean? Which is which?”

The boy shrugs, “Depends on the person.  You gotta decide for yourself, kid.”  He smiles softly and closes his eyes and leans his head back.  Woohyun can see the curve of his pale neck and the smile on his lips.  “Living with your eyes open is exactly what it sounds like. You see everything around you.  Dying with your eyes closed is closing off everything.”

“You didn’t talk about the other way around.”

The boy frowns.  “If you want to do it the other way around, you’re better off dead.”  His voice is like ice and it makes Woohyun shiver.  It’s almost dark and it makes Woohyun’s stomach drop and bile rise in his throat.  The boy sighs at Woohyun’s fear.  “The point is, go where your eyes are open.  That’s where you get the most.”

Woohyun lets his words sink in.  The sink in his mind, sink in his stomach, sink in his heart, they sink all the way into his feet until they feel like stones dragging him down.   “What does it mean, to live with your eyes closed?” Woohyun’s voice comes out as a whisper, and he realizes how shaken he sounds – how shaken he is.  His body is trembling and he feels like he’s freezing. But not the kind of freezing when it’s below zero, not the kind of freezing that comes from sharp winds and harsh winters.    Woohyun doesn’t think it comes from anywhere else besides this boy.

He has a bitter smile.  But at the same time it’s an accomplished smile. “What do you think?”

Woohyun thinks of all the times he’s smiled but it hasn’t quite reached his ears like it used to.  He thinks of all the times he’s held his nose and downed black coffee to make up for the insomnia keeping him up at night. He thinks of all the times he pretends he can’t see. When he sees himself falling to pieces, sees his eyes without their shine, sees himself trembling and falling.  And whenever he can, whenever he opens his eyes just a fraction to see just how bad it is, it drives him closer to the edge.  “Are your eyes open right now?”

The boy smiles.  “My name’s Kim Sunggyu. My eyes have been closed since the day I’ve been born.” 

Woohyun stares at him. He stares at him long enough until he sees him flicker – until he can see an outline of thick black wings laced on his back and his soft little smile still on his lips.   Woohyun watches the breeze ruffle Sunggyu’s flaming red hair and watches his cold eyes crinkle into a smile.  “You can open yours you know, if you really want to.”

Woohyun decides that he does.


End file.
